Ladies, I feel guilty for being pregnant. Is this normal? Am I crazy? I have no idea. But I do feel this way. I had a few people I really didn't want to tell my news to because I didn't want to hurt them. I know how long some wonderful women wait to get pregnant and I know those who continue to miscarry time and time again, and I have definitely had my fair share of conversations with God asking why. Why is it that 16 year olds who don't want to be moms get pregnant at the drop of a hat but 30 year olds who have college degrees, great jobs, and amazing marriages can't seem to? Why must fertility treatments be so expensive? Why does adoption have to be so difficult? Why isn't wanting a family good enough? I've never gotten answers, and I know those who are praying so hard for their babies haven't gotten them either.
I come from a really long line of exceptionally fertile women (on my mom's side). Seriously, my aunt got pregnant twice (out of three babies) while using birth control (one of those times was TWO forms!). I realize how lucky I am to take after these women. It really is a blessing. With Spencer, we had no idea how long it would take us or what the pregnancy would be like. Both, it turned out, were fairly easy/lucky. Yes, I was a week overdue, but I didn't have many complications (until the actual labor part) and I felt great even at 40 weeks and was working full time. This time, we hoped it would be just as easy to conceive and the pregnancy is a little different (more on that later) but is, so far, progressing without complication.
I know that being pregnant is a blessing, and I wouldn't change it for the world. I just hate that I might be making other people upset/feel that it is unfair/sad/etc. It's NOT fair. And I wish I could just give everyone who wants one/deserves one a beautiful baby of their own to love on. It's NOT fair. My goal for myself is for extra prayers this week and next for those who are waiting on their little, crazy, sweet, bundles of energy. Yes, someday you, too, will get to pick up all the food off the floor when your one year old dumps it all over, you'll get to fight with them over changing diapers, you'll pick up more books than you can count, you'll fight with stains that just won't come out, but MOST importantly, you'll have someone reach for you, say momma, and kiss you so sweetly that you know nothing could ever be better than this.
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