Wednesday, June 23, 2010

B's Peeves - June, 2010

Hey there ladies, B here.  You know, the diaper changing, Giving Tree reading new dad who compares farts with young Mr Spencer T.  Anywho, it's been a while since I rapped at 'ya, so I thought I'd get a few things off my chest.  So without and further ado, here are a few things that are grinding my gears these days:

1.  Applebee's

Okay, we all know that Applebee's has been trying to convince America that they serve actual food for several years now with the tag line of "Eatin' good in the neighborhood!"  Sounds folksy, right?  Appetizing?  Not exactly.  And now, they have this ridiculous ad campaign covering the airwaves claiming that their new hamburgers are "as unique as the neighborhoods that inspired them."  Let's be honest...

You can't put peppers, onions and mushrooms on a burger and say that it's "from Philly."  If you are lucky enough to have been to Philly in your lifetime, you'll know that a classic Philly Cheesesteak has beef and cheese whiz, and maybe onions.  That's it.  This disgusting looking thing is neither unique, nor is it typically Philadelphian (yeah, I just invented the word "Philadelphian"). 

And by the way, Philly is a city, not a neighborhood.

2. Vuvuzelas

Enough has been written about these ridiculous horns, so I'll make my point in pictures. 

A bee hive is supposed to look like this:

Or this:

Or this:

But not like this:

Just stop those stupid things already.  That high pitched whine is brutal.

3.  This Guy

Let's just say I don't exactly have Bieber Fever.  And if you saw this performance...

...on the Today Show (as AET likes to watch), you'd join me in my disgust.  This kid is just awful.

Side note, AET is still raving mad about how frequently he touches his hair.  Now, I'm a guy who takes pride in his hair, and I'm not even close.

4.  Dog Zits

When you adopt a 6month old, 65 pound Mastiff Mix (half Neapolitan Mastiff and half English Mastiff) puppy at the shelters in Chicago these days, they "accidentally" fail to mention that Mastiffs have more minor health and beauty issues than your average Miss America contestant.  Somehow, we have already had to deal with:

- Kennel Cough
- Anal Gland Expression
- Urinary Tract Infections
- Yeast Infections

and finally,

- "Moderate Acne" on the lips and chin

How did we get from this

(at 6 months old- the day we got her)

to this?

(last week, at 18 months old)

Ugh.  We've been to the vet more this year than I have been to a doctor in the last 10 years.

5.  The French
Quick, name a famous French athlete....

no, really.  Go ahead, I'll wait.....

Couldn't think of one?  That's what I thought.

However, the French have been popping up in the Sporting world a lot lately, and not for the best reasons.

First, we had the French Open, which was won by a Spaniard:

Then, we had a random Frog pop up to finish two strokes from the championship at the US Open at Pebble Beach.  Gregory Havret was ranked 391st in the Official World Golf Rankings.  After tripping and falling into a near-miss at the US Open, he is now ranked 104th, and I agree- we'll never hear from him again. 

Thanks for the memories, Gregory.

Don't worry, I've saved the best for last.  The French national team, also known as Les Bleus.  These guys are a bigger mess than an early-2007 Britney Spears.  After drawing its first game against a good Uruguayan team, Les Bleus wet the bed against Mexico and then truly melted down over the weekend by kicking a player off the team, seeing the resignation of the team's General Manager, and having the entire team refuse to practice on Sunday (when they still had a chance to advance).  After the worst weekend in team history, France went out yesterday and lost 2:1 to a mediocre-at-best South African team and left its final image of World Cup 2010 in this way:

I know you're all out of sorts because your team sucks, but you could at least shake the hand of the opposing coach whose team just beat you fair and square.

Ahhh, that feels better.  At this moment, I'm settling in for the US-Algeria game, and looking forward to seeing our boys go out there and get revenge for the bush-league call that kept them from winning last week.  But if the US doesn't win or advance into the next round, well, I guess you could expect another B's Peeves in the very near future!  You stay classy, Blogosphere.


  1. Too funny! I'm with you on many of these!

  2. This entire post cracked me up. I was chuckling--in agreement--at the Applebee's gripe and loved the pictures of the beehives, including the hairstyle. But the bit about the dog acne made me laugh out loud!

  3. Giggled throughout this whole post, mostly because it's all true! That dog, you have to admit is awfully cute though (and while I don't have a mastiff, I do have a 100 lb golden retriever with medical bills far outweighing the entire family!)

  4. I am glad you got to get these things off your chest. Maybe you should do a whole post on Anal Gland Expression???

  5. Very funny....Love B's Peeves!

  6. Your Mastiff mix is so adorable...and the pimple thing is pretty funny! xx

  7. Ugh I am so not an Applebees fan either. They have a low priced menu, but that also means really cheap quality food. And being from Philly, I never buy anything advertised as a Philly Cheesesteak, unless its in this city. Wiz, without is my favorite. hahaha

    Beautiful little pup! I've never heard of Dog Acne, sorry but I have to laugh! hahha But I do hope that she is doing well and she is still a beautiful pup!!

  8. you kill me B!

    AEOT: big day is actually this Saturday!




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