B's Peeves - Masters Edition

That's right, ladies, I'm back!  Welcome to the second installment of B's Peeves.  After my Olympic level ranting in February, I figured B's Peeves should be a semi-regular event.  Some people suggested weekly or monthly updates, but, truth be told, I'm not really that negative a guy.  I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, a wife who loves me, and a batch of Pudidn' about ready to come out of the oven. 

So what do I have to complain about?  Here's what:  The Masters

Astute readers will know that The B-Man is a frequent weekend duffer and avid professional golf fan.  And I don't mean I'm a guy who turns on the golf on Sunday afternoon when Tiger or Phil is in contention.  I'm the guy who DVR's golf on Thursdays (I wish I were kidding).  I watch the final rounds of European Tour events live on Golf Channel on Sunday mornings while getting ready for church.  I go to any event that comes within 50 miles of where I'm living.  Serously, I'm a golf fan.  With or without Tiger, I'm a golf fan.  So this week is like my Super Bowl, Final Four, and World Series wrapped into one green-jacketed week of azalea-scented bliss.  However..... there are a few things out there that really grind my gears.  Here goes:

1.  Infidelity


Okay, some guys just can't keep it in their pants.  I get it.  But if that's your issue, you probably know about it before you walk down the aisle.  And if you know you can't keep it in your pants, then just don't bother getting married.  One of the biggest things I learned about marriage is that the next morning, it's still the same two people, it's just legal to share a bed now.  You don't change the minute you get married.  Even with all the metaphor laden "two become one" liturgy of the wedding ceremony, there isn't a unity candle in the world that would have given Tiger Woods the ability to keep it in his pants. 

So now it's Masters week, and instead of hearing about how Phil might carry two drivers or how Eduardo and Francesco Molinari will be the first brother tandem to compete in the same year, I have to listen to 14 hours of coverage on why Elin isn't going to show up this week.  I have to listen to more speculation on whether or not Tiger will "not keep it in his pants" with a member of the banquet staff at the Champions Dinner.  There is NO REASON for TMZ, Access Hollywood, and Entertainment Tonight to have media crews in Augusta this week.  Thanks, Tiger, for bringing the circus to town.  Shouldn't those guys be covering this guy instead?:

Keep it in your pants, Tiger.  There are too many traditions, too many competitive story lines, and too many great players at The Masters for golf fans to worry about this crap.  I'd rather see you like this:

Than like this:

2.  Pimento Cheese Sandwiches

See what Wikipedia has to say about this stuff:

Pimento cheese is a common food in the Southern United States. The recipe for most pimento cheese spreads has few ingredients: sharp cheddar cheese, mayonnaise, pimentos, salt and pepper.<sup>[1]

Come on, guys.  That isn't actually food.  These things look absolutely disgusting, and they sell THOUSANDS of them every year at the Masters.  Really?  Is there anyone out there who really wants to spend 16 hours in the sun walking all over a golf course with no sustenance except $6 cans of Michelob Ultra and this?</sup>

 
 <sup>No, thanks, I'll have the hot dog at the turn.  Yuck.


3. The NCAA


It's Masters Week, and there really shouldn't be anything else going on around the country.  It's like the Islamic celebration of Ramadan.  They fast, they pray, and they don't do much else during Ramadan.  I don't think the rest of the Sporting world should do anything else either.  But leave it to the geniuses in Indy (NCAA HQ) to schedule the Frozen Four for the same weekend as the Masters.  For the uninitiated, the Frozen Four is the final two rounds of the NCAA Men's Hockey tournament.  This year, it's being held in Detroit on Thursday evening and Saturday night.</sup>  

^{Astute readers of this blog will also know that I attended Miami University in Oxford, Ohio (DO NOT call it "Miami of Ohio" - we were a school when Florida still belonged to Spain).  Since this year's Frozen 4 is in Detroit, just a few hours from our Grand Rapids headquarters, Mrs UNP bought me tickets for my birthday back in February, anticipating a return trip to the finals for MU's top-ranked Redhawks}

<sup>Now that Miami is in the Semis on Thursday night (8et on ESPN), my buddies and I are ecstatic that MU is just two wins away (Boston College on Thursday and the winner of Wisconsin vs RIT on Saturday) from its first ever national title in any sport.  I'm a bit torn, however, in that I will have to miss Saturday's ENTIRE golf coverage.  I will be home Sunday morning early, though, so I can catch up on the situation, tee times, and scenarios in order to set the table for final round coverage.


So thanks, NCAA, for screwing up my schedule.  But if I can wake up next Monday with a National Championship and an exciting finish to The Masters, I'll be a happy camper.


4.  I'm Not There


At the end of the day, the biggest reason I'm peeved about the Masters is that I'm not there.  My 16 handicap won't quite get me in as a player, and tickets are not bought but inherited, so my chances of seeing this</sup>

^{Or this:}

<sup>Are about slim to none.  



So that's pretty much all that's Peeve-ing me right now.  I know this is only 4 things, so I promise my World Cup edition (coming in June) will have 6 to make up for how I've slighted you all.  I could make a list of about a hundred things I love about the Masters, so coming up with 4 I don't like was even a little tough.  


That said, here are my picks with a (very) little commentary for this weekend's outcome


Winner:  
     Tiger Woods.  Any time he's in the field, he's the favorite

Contenders:
     Steve Stricker - Cheese Head quietly soared to #2 in the world last year
     Ernie Els - Two wins already this year and wants one at Augusta really bad
     Henrik Stenson - Big hitting Swede will make the back nine look like a putt-putt course.  Won at The Players last year and loves the big stage


Surprising Top 20 Finishes:

     Martin Kaymer - German recently jumped into Top 10 of World Golf Rankings
     Rory McIlroy - This kid is the real deal.  Contends anywhere he plays and is fearless
     
Dark Horse:


     David Duval - On the comeback trail and only in the field as a result of a T-2 finish at the British Open last year</sup>